Held Responsible
by AvalonBay
Summary: [Fourth in Powerless Series]. Jason held a lot of responsibility in being the team leader, in being the one everyone turned to, in being the one who could keep it all together; until he wasn't.
1. Chapter 1

**Held Responsible**

 **Summary** \- [Fourth in Powerless Series]. Jason held a lot of responsibility in being the team leader, in being the one everyone turned to, in being the one who could keep it all together; until he wasn't.

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 **01**

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Jason Lee Scott knew nothing but being a team player in every aspect of his life. There were more than enough people that would say that about him. He cared about others. He worked hard to make other people feel better. Wanted to make sure things were other people were okay. He was selfless that way. Always had been and always would be.

When he started martial arts, he wouldn't immediately jump forward and volunteer to do what he could to prove he knew what was going on. He stayed out of the spotlight, learning everything he could. Quietly observed. Offered to help those that were having a hard time figuring out some of the more complicated things they were being taught.

Because, no one knew, Jason used to be a bully. It was a point of shame in his life that he tried his best not to think about. He'd been very young, threw his weight around. Didn't understand how much it was hurting other people. And it grew. He stooped to Bulk's and Skull's level and said some mean words back to them. When that didn't work, he fought back. And maybe that was why they feared him, despite still picking on him.

They never tried to beat him up. Bulk did throw his weight around, but they knew Jason could take them down. And Jason was horrified with what he'd done. So much he confessed to his parents, in tears, of his guilt. They apologized to him, saying they didn't know he was being bullied and worried why he was so sullen and quiet. So they enrolled him into martial arts; he was already interested from the movies he'd watched. And Jason was a natural.

After that, he made sure he didn't lost his temper. Fell into the meditation aspects of martial arts training, worked to keep everything under control. So he focused his energy on improving and helping others improve, quickly rising through the ranks of different belts until he became a black belt and started to teach others. Doing everything he could to continue to pass on the message 'never use martial arts to learn how to beat someone up'. It wasn't what it was about.

And Jason took that suggestion seriously.

Until he became a ranger. Then his martial arts training was used as a weapon to take on the putties, -putties, and monsters that came his way. To stop Rita Repulsa, Goldar, Squatt, Baboo, Finster, and Zedd from destroying the home he loved so much. He practiced martial arts every day, never missed, always taught anyone who was willing to learn. Loved his classes.

Ultimately, he loved the responsibility of being a ranger. He loved being the leader of the team, loved being the person the rest of his friends looked up to. Loved being able to be there for them. But he equally hated it. Hated that he had to worry about their well-being. Hated that he may, one day, have to explain to their parents why they wouldn't return him. Hated that if something _did_ happen to them that he'd ultimately be the reason why.

That he was the one who led them into their own demise. That he was the one who made it so that they never came back home, never realized their dreams, gave everything to the intergalactic war that waged battle on their city every day.

The guilt ate at him as much as it drove him forward.

He was the one everyone looked up to.

He wanted to be that for them.

Jason Lee Scott was a team player.

Until he wasn't part of that team anymore.

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 **A/N:** I was going to update _Headstrong_ first, I have most of that chapter written out. Then I was going to update _Powerless II_ and _Shattered Grid_ but this was pushing toward the forefront. I've been meaning to get to this one sooner and I hope you all enjoy it as much as you did _Powerless, I'm Home, and The Wounded Hart._

 **~Av**


	2. Chapter 2

**02**

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Jason Lee Scott held his breath, focusing on the energy of his arms exploding forward to rapid-fire punch the punching bag in front of him. His sparring partner, Logan Hawkins, held on for dear life, fear flashing through his eyes as he tried to keep the bag steady against Jason's explosive force.

After a few more seconds, Jason sent one last punch forward into the bag. Hard enough that Logan lost his grip and fell back to the ground, bringing his hands up to cover his head so that the bag didn't swing back and strike him to the floor.

Jason looked at him incredulously then started to laugh. Reaching out, he grabbed the bag that swung back to him, stopping it with the flat of his palm. "You okay, man?" Luke uncurled and looked up at Jason, who held out his hand. "Sorry about that."

Luke continued to eye him warily despite taking Jason's hand and allow himself to be pulled to his feet. Jason's grin widened as he looked over his friend. Patches of sweat peppered his shirt at the neck, the arm pits, and his back, all from helping Jason spar. And most of that was only to help spot him when he was lifting weights and to hang onto a punching bag.

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong with you?" Luke asked, placing his hands on his hips. He worked to catch his breath. "Something going on in your personal life? Have I made you angry in some way?"

Jason licked his lips, turning away to hide his grin. He shouldn't have been enjoying the pain he inflicted on his friend so much. "No, why?"

"Because you look like you wanted to take my head off."

"No." Jason waved a hand. "Your head just got in the way. Well,"—he shrugged—"Got _out_ of the way."

Jason and Luke both laughed and fist-bumped. Jason took a step back and ran his hands over his face, wicking away the beads of sweat that dripped down before going to the bench to grab his towel. He roughed it over his face then tossed it to Luke to do the same.

"You know, when I asked if you'd help me get into shape, I didn't say anything about you kicking my butt," Luke pointed out. "I just thought we were going to be lifting some weights or getting started running laps, not trying out for American Gladiators." Jason gave him a look, making Luke snort and motion towards the front of the gym where the smoothie bar was set up. "You can't tell me you haven't noticed every woman who's gone over there has been watching you."

"I have a girlfriend, remember?" Jason then pointed directly into Luke's eyes. "A girlfriend who'd probably beat you up for even mentioning it."

Not to say that Emily had a mean streak like that. She never came across as jealous to him before. But that was before. Before everything with his ranger duties, before everything with Divatox, before getting kidnapped. Before getting brainwashed, before…everything.

Jason closed his eyes. How he and Emily managed to have things work out, he still wasn't sure. Not many people would be able to take the disappearances, the absences, and the inability to explain why in stride. It was the reason Emily had broken up with him in the first place. She couldn't trust him. Then, one day, when everything had died down, she suddenly appeared on his doorstep once more, saying she wanted to talk.

Wanted to figure everything out.

Though surprised, Jason listened to everything she had to say. And he'd explained the best he could, that there were some obligations that he had in his life that he couldn't talk about. That he was sorry things had to work out the way they did and that he hadn't meant to hurt her.

They didn't get back together just then. There were still a lot of things they needed to work through, a lot of time they had to make up for. A lot of trust that had to be rebuilt. But they did it. They started off slowly, having lunch here and there. Then he asked her on a proper date and things had gone on since then.

It helped that he was no longer running off after monsters, leaving it for the new crop of rangers that seemed to pop up as the years went by. That certainly helped Emily's trust in him; he saw her become happier as the days passed the less he was secretive and making excuses.

But that didn't keep her from becoming a little bit suspicious when he suddenly had to leave for work, if something came up, or if there was suddenly some girl that acme onto him. He didn't want to risk anything with the thing that made him the happiest. Even if Luke was joking.

"Just kidding, man." Luke held his hands up defensively. "You know I have nothing but love for Emily." He folded his arms and smiled knowingly. "How are things going with the perfect couple?"

"I wouldn't say they're perfect," Jason said modestly. But he couldn't help but smile as he lowered himself to the floor to stretch. (And tried to convince himself it had nothing to do with the grunting and groaning Jason did as he lowered himself to the ground as well). "But things are going well. She's doing great at her job and we know how things are going here."

"Yeah, how many people can say they own a gym at your age?" Luke added.

"A lot," Jason said.

But he knew the truth. There were many people who didn't get the chance to live out their dreams. He'd always wanted to have a gym, a safe place for those of all ages like Ernie had done with the Youth Center. It was Ernie's death that had prompted him to final go ahead and do it, after years of worries that it wasn't the right time or that he didn't have the money for it.

Excuses, he realized. They were all excuses.

And he knew it all stemmed back from his tenure as a ranger. He had to make excuses every day to face certain death. And he faced it without a care in the world. The power would protect them. That power didn't extend to everyday life and when he was normal Jason, that was when things were hard. It was when he put all his attention and everything into his martial arts training.

Focused on what was going on in that moment. When not in training, he worked on his school work, didn't have time for anything else. And everything else fell by the wayside; his family, dating, and eventually his friends…

When he had the opportunity to create a gym in Los Angeles, he made sure it was as much like Ernie's as possible, keeping up with the found family feeling it always brought him. Business was booming, word of mouth was ensuring there were new signups for membership every day. They were selling a lot of smoothies per day; their classes were being filled. There was nothing Jason could complain about.

And yet, there was still something within him that was missing. An empty space, a black hole that took everything of joy in his life and spat out…nothing. He could be having good days and then there'd be moments during those good days where he'd have to process whatever it was he was feeling.

What a sight to see? Big Bad Red Ranger Jason Lee Scott had to stop and wait for moments of bleakness to pass. The guy who ran into every fight with a rousing speech to keep his team going, refusing to give up, had small moments of giving up himself.

It wasn't possible.

"Yeah," Luke conceded. "But they don't always have their best friends in to help them."

Jason had to concede that. He and Luke had met when in business school together, taking most of the same classes before getting to talking. Luke had been impressed, but not surprised, to find that Jason was into martial arts and overall health of body and mind.

"You look like you'd be into it," Luke commented.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jason responded.

Luke grinned. "How hard is it for you to put your arms down?"

And the two had laughed and gotten to know each other as the classes passed. Luke showed a lot of promise when it came to marketing and advertising, something Jason wasn't so well-versed in. Not in the computer sense, he was more of making connections and advertising while talking to people face to face. Having real conversations with them. It was a match made in heaven, once they worked things out.

And Emily pushed him all along, supporting him every step of the way. He owed a lot to her as he did to Luke and even Ernie in some way. With their continued success, there wasn't anything he'd do differently. Everything was working out perfectly.

After finishing their workout, Jason bid goodbye to Luke and headed back to his place with Emily. He had a lot of work he needed to do and being away from the office was good for that at times, opting to work from home. Meditating was still something he kept in his routine doing it three times a day. Once in the morning, once around lunch, and once at night to destress from the day.

Stepping into the apartment that day, he found himself immediately deep breathing to remove some of the stress from even the workout he'd done with Luke. Normally it chilled him out like knitting or yoga would relax others, but it simply made the muscles in his back and shoulders tighten even further than it had been before.

Abandoning the practice, Jason shuffled to the room he shared with Emily, tossing his bag to the ground and pulling his shirt overhead to get ready for a shower. As he did so, he lifted his chin and looked at the pictures that lined the wall. Pictures of himself and Emily over the years, pictures of him and his friend and colleagues, pictures from martial arts tournaments, form networking events, even from when he was younger. When he was a teen and everything with Kimberly, Billy, Trini, and Zack. When they added Tommy to that group and Avalon and Bailey…

Picture after picture lined the walls. Memories of his past. Jason sucked in a sharp breath and turned away from them. Bad move. It put him in the line of sight of his bookshelf. A bookshelf filled with different accolades from many different ventures. His university degrees, high school diploma, multiple trophies and medals from past competitions.

His eyes bypassed that and landed on the smaller piece of hardware that sat on the shelf. One that hadn't been in use in so long that Jason wasn't sure if it still worked. He tried to keep his communicator hidden as much as possible. Not just from Emily, but form himself, if he were being honest.

He couldn't remember the last time it'd gone off. The last time he'd felt that electric charge that rolled through his body when he was morphing into his suit. When he connected to the Morphing Grid.

Couldn't remember the last time the adrenaline of martial arts came close to the adrenaline of running into battle to defend his home.

Nothing would.

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 **A/N:** Can I just say that working to get into Jason's head is equally exciting and frustrating, simply because he's quieter. I have that same feeling with Billy at times. There's just a lot to unpack there. But I hope you all enjoyed this update.

Also, can you guys guess when within PR this is set?

 **~Av**


	3. Chapter 3

**03**

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The shower water that ran over Jason's shoulders relaxed the tight muscles that his mediation and deep breathing couldn't work out. He forced his mind to go blank, pushing aside all worries that had managed to plague him that day. Bringing his head forward, he let the water then turned, allowing it to pelt his back. Jason sucked in a sharp breath, suddenly feeling as if the water pressure increased, pounding on his head and shoulders, driving him down further and futher underwater. A dark abyss that swirled around him, water flowing over his lip as it had years before.

Jason sucked back, coughing when water shot down his throat. He immediately turned his back to the shower head, sputtering, working hard to keep his throat from spasming shut in panic. Reaching up, he wiped the droplets of water from his face. _Everything's okay,_ he reminded himself. _Everything's oaky. You're in your home. You control everything around you. You're not in the open ocean. You're in your own, controlled environment._ Finally, when he felt himself move to a state of complete relaxation, he turned off the water and stepped out the shower. He grabbed a towel and went back to his bedroom to get dressed.

As hard as he tried to keep himself from doing so, Jason's eyes became dragged back to his communicator once more. It gleamed at him, almost taunting him. Jason sighed and moved toward it, reaching out his hand to pick up the tiny piece of hardware. Jason stopped just as his fingertips were seconds away from colliding with the face of the communicator. He twisted his mouth aside and turned away, forcing himself to his closet so he could get dressed.

Fully clothed, he went out to the living room and turned on the TV to the evening news. Jason sank onto the couch, pulling over a notepad that had been left there the night before. He looked over the figures scribbled upon it and grunted before shifting his gaze to the stack of bills that sat on the end of the coffee table.

He wasn't quite hurting for money, but the gym was taking out more than he thought it would. Martial arts weren't as popular as it used to be. He knew that. The classes he'd been in while growing up and the classes he taught in high school had been filled. Filled with the bright, fresh, eager faces of those that wanted to learn as much as they could.

And, no matter how quickly Jason had progressed in his own training, none of the students he'd had had been quite like Billy. Billy was the one who went through every class with a smile, even as he swayed back and forth, an almost nervous twitch as he gazed up at his friend, taking in every piece of advice Jason could give to make Billy a better martial artist.

Sure, there were times where he had to talk Billy off the proverbial ledge of quitting the sport when not picking it up fast enough. Which was such a funny thing to think about now. Especially with as far as Billy ended up going as a ranger. He came so much into his own as a person, as a ranger, as a martial artist, that it was almost that he didn't need Jason's or Tommy's help at all.

Jason sighed, scanning the pile of bills but not picking it up. With less people enrolling in the classes, even those that were excited at the very beginning of their training showing up less and less, there had to be other ways to keep their heads above water. Emily reassured him that everything was going to work out, his parents offered to help them financially. He refused it all, needing to do everything himself, needing to get back up on his feet to show others he was fine.

"And in other news, the residents of Angel Grove demand answers for the restoration project that still has not come to fruition."

Jason's head lifted from the notepad to stare at the television screen. Angel Grove? He winced, seeing the familiar skylines and landscapes panning across his TV screen. How long had it been since he'd been there? Since he'd been back to where it all started? How long had it been since he was able to see or think about his hometown without wanting to turn tail and run the other way?

When could he think about Angel Grove without feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame.

 _"Restoration processes have been put in place since Astronema landed on Earth and tried to take over. Something that other monsters and villains had never been done before. And, like all the others, Astronema and Dark Spectre were defeated by the power rangers who stunned the city with the revelations of their identities for the first time since they arrived years ago. And while the monsters and their mooks haven't been seen in Angel Grove for years, it has been difficult for the city to recuperate their losses. It will soon be the anniversary of Rita Repulsa's first appearance in Angel Grove and while thousands are reeling from the loss of life within those battles and with other intergalactic beings since then, there are others that are feeling the weight of the loss. Businesses that have gone under are struggling to come back, insurance rates have skyrocketed, and the promised restoration project of the city that was once deemed to take a year has well surpassed that time frame and has now stalled._

 _With an increase of spending with the restoration project as well as the insurance pay outs, the officials of Angel Grove are working hard to appease its residents. While its residents are now saying there's nothing that can be done. Hundreds have already moved away stating the presence of the power rangers has caused nothing but trouble."_

Jason's eyebrows knitted together. He turned the volume up on the TV, watching intently. Watched to see the sort of images they'd show. The rangers that were showcased weren't him and his team, but of the Astro Rangers; the ones that had actually shown their faces to the public. Andros, Ashley, TJ, Carlos, Cassie, and Zhane. The ones who had taken the place of the Turbo rangers, who had taken place of the Zeo rangers, who had taken the place of thier original team. Part of him wondered what that freedom was like, but part of him knew that what he was watching at that moment was the consequences of having to keep their identities a secret.

 _"Polls taken have shown that the popularity of the power rangers has plummeted through the past couple of years with some stating if it weren't for the presence of the power rangers, there wouldn't be more evil presences that have attacked the city."_

Jason snorted quietly at that.

 _"Now that the power rangers have moved to defend other cities, it's sight unseen as to what will happen as time goes on."_

"Ha! What a bunch of hypocrites."

Jason didn't jump when he heard Emily's voice. He didn't scream. He didn't react to her being there. Honestly, he almost didn't know she was there. He sensed a sort of presence about him, always had to be aware of his surroundings. It was a hard habit to break, if he were honest. Having to break out of looking for suspicious characters the moment he was in a crowd, always making sure he knew where every exit was and how to get there in case of an emergency. Many times, he found himself slapping a hand to his wrist when his muscle memory kicked in, ready for him to get a message from Zordon.

But he trained himself to come down from that life. He had a taste of it again when he became a Zeo ranger and it was nice while it lasted. He moved on and that was that. He had a new life, a new job, a new girl…

Reaching up, Jason rubbed at his eyes while Emily continued to rant. Suddenly, he had a headache.

"If they were really against the Power Rangers, they would've been from the beginning. They wouldn't act so nice to their face then stab them in the back later!" Emily's blue eyes flashed. "And all those people that liked them before…they couldn't wait to jump on that bandwagon."

"Em," Jason started.

"Fuckers," Emily murmured under her breath.

At that, Jason let out a quiet laugh. He reached up and tugged her hand, pulling her down into his lap. Emily continued to huff, shaking her head to the TV she muted, still shaking her head. He lifted his eyebrows, waiting for confirmation that she was finished sulking. Emily continued to make low grumbling sounds, but otherwise looked her boyfriend in the eye.

"Yes?" She asked.

Jason cracked a smile. "Did you have a bad day at work?"

Emily shoved him hard on the arm. "Why do I have to have a bad day at work to feel badly about what's happening with the Power Rangers?" She demanded. "None of this was their fault. They were trying to protect us. And now they have people turning on them all for what?" She threw her hand into the air. "The people there are quick to turn on things."

"These people just care about Angel Grove," Jason reminded her. "It's their city as much as it was the Power Rangers'." He shrugged. "I mean, there were a lot of people who lost their lives, because of what happened. Peoples' homes were destroyed, businesses…"

 _And you're partly to blame._

The thought came to mind before Jason could stop it. He snugged it out with a gentle shake of his head. It wasn't the first time he'd had the rational thought. He'd had more than enough time to think about it when he'd given up his powers. When he watched the news reports of his friends and former teammates and the tougher monsters that continued to come out of the woodwork.

Jason would watch, wincing and shaking his head when he saw the aftermath of some battles. When he heard how the emergency system had to be implemented earlier and earlier in the day. The financial amounts that'd continue to rack up. Part of him wondered if he had gone back would the destruction be lessened or if it would have worsened.

He forced himself to push those thoughts aside. It was a life he didn't have anymore.

That was, until he found himself attacked while scuba diving. One minute he'd gotten back from his trip in Vietnam to see the sights and visit Trini, and the next thing he knew, his regulator was being ripped out of his mouth.

Jason sucked in a deep breath, suddenly feeling his throat constrict. Feeling a pressure in his chest. The edges of his vision darkened, almost as if he were back in the darkened water, struggling to breathe. Emily's hand rubbing the back of his neck was the only thing that pulled him out of his vision.

"But that's enough talk about this, how was your day?" Emily asked with an exaggerated sigh. She continued to rub his neck, making shivers run up and down Jason's spine. "How were things at the gym?"

"As good as ever," Jason replied.

Emily looked at him seriously. "Is that a good or bad thing?"

"Both," he replied honestly. "Rent's gone up, but it looks like we've got some more people interested in our classes." He ran a hand through his hair then nodded toward the bills that stacked on the table. "Hasn't stopped any more of the bills that have been piling up."

Emily let out a low moan. She tilted her head to rub at the back of her neck, effectively pressing her head to Jason's shoulder. In response, Jason grabbed her legs and pulled them up into his lap, giving her leeway to snuggle against him. A wry smile came to his face, eyes watching the muted TV that continued to show recaps of his and his friends' old fights. Had he known, back then, that it'd only be a few short years where he had his own gym, a loving girlfriend and more than enough debt to leave him wondering what his future held, he probably would've laughed.

It was the least he expected.

Any of it would've given him way more stress than he would've liked anyone to ever know. And yet, there he was, taking it all in stride without a care in the world. Well, other than what would happen daily for the gym if rent continued to increase as the months passed.

"Well, we'll have to do something about that," Emily murmured. "I don't know what yet, but something. There's only so much I can make on tips."

Jason's wry smile faded to a frown, making Emily roll her eyes. "I know you don't like me working there, but the guys make sure nothing happens to me and, like I said, the pay isn't too bad. And I like working there, everyone that comes in is pretty cool."

"I thought you said the guys make sure nothing happens to you," Jason said. He tapped Emily's feet, making her pull her legs back so he could get from the couch and start to pace, suddenly restless. "It's a biker bar, something's bound to happen at one point or another."

With a roll of her eyes, Emily pressed her cheek against her upraised palm. "We're not talking about this, again. I already told you, I love my job. There's nothing you can say that'll make me want to work in an office." She paused. "Or during the day for that matter," she added under her breath."

"I'd hate for you to miss your daily, morning nap," Jason said sardonically. Even with his back turned to her, he knew she'd thrown a pillow his way and deftly side stepped it. Reaching out, he snatched it into his palm and whipped it around back to her, grinning when he heard her cry of surprise.

"Are you sure you're not moonlighting as a Power Ranger and didn't tell me?" Emily asked.

Jason did his best to look innocent when he turned to face her once more. "Who? Me?" He motioned to himself before moving to answer the phone as it started to ring. He grabbed it and put it to his ear, blocking another pillow that was thrown his way. "Hello?"

"So, I was thinking," Luke said without saying 'hello'. Jason, however, wasn't thrown off. Luke was someone who immediately jumped to what he needed to get out, rather than bypass through numerous rounds of small talk. It just wasn't something he was so interested in. Honestly, Jason found it refreshing. "There might be a chance for us to expand, soon."

Jason lifted an eyebrow. "You think it's time for us to expand already?" He asked. Emily sat up straight, looking at him curiously. He lifted a hand in response, letting her know not to get too excited. "That's a bit soon, don't you think?"

"You've always got to think ahead, Jase," Luke reminded him. He leaned back in his seat, eyes sweeping the other patrons of the bar before landing on his best friend and business partner. "If you don't, you'll find yourself way behind the curve before you realize it. If we expand, with the way we're going, we've got a chance to recoup the loses we've made so far."

"Yeah, and potentially put ourselves in debt we can't pull ourselves out of," Jason pointed out.

"That's thinking too linearly."

"Or rationally."

Luke laughed loudly at that. It would've reassured Jason had he not had a sinking feeling something was about to happen. It was the way things seemed to go, the other shoe had to drop. Or else, he'd grown so accustomed to the energies of those around him, becoming so in tune with the balance of life, that he couldn't help but notice when things were slowly going off kilter. "I'm just saying, I have an idea. And, well, I really think it'd be something you'd be interested in."

"Why's that?"

"Because I think, what with everything's going on, we should expand to Angel Grove."

Jason sucked in a sharp breath. Emily continued to wave her hand, mouthing "What?" repeatedly. He ignored her, feeling tension creep up his back and to his shoulders once more. He rolled his neck, hoping to work out the knots before they could start.

But it was too late.

As far as he knew, there was no life for him in Angel Grove anymore.

And here he was, about to throw himself back into it as if nothing had ever happened, when, in fact, it was where everything had happened.

* * *

 **A/N:** Yep, guest, you're correct. This is set during Wild Force before the Forever Red mission. I've always thought that time frame was interesting, especially with the original ideas for the characters within that special, so I mish-mashed some of it along with what I had done with Jason's character in my Avalon series. You don't need to read the series to understand this, enough will be mentioned here for you all to get it.

 **~Av**


	4. Chapter 4

**04**

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Jason should've known Emily noticed more about him than he liked to believe. She wasn't someone who pushed and prodded, liked to keep to herself. Which made sense, Jason mused, she was the one who had tried to keep things to herself when she was in the biker gang.

He shook his head at the memory, meeting her for the first time and seeing how miserable she was. She put on a brave face for her friends, but he could just tell that she wasn't interested in any of the antics her friends put her through. Fell into the crowd simply because she was new and there was no one else that took her into her group as the 'new girl'. It didn't take long for him to see the hold it had on her, the disappointment, and the worry of having to follow everything she was told.

He could see that.

Just as he was sure she could see he was dragging his feet as she moved around the apartment, packing everything they could possible need for a weekend away in Angel Grove. It was just a three-day weekend. They were going to see everything they used to know. Work out the new space that may become a gym they could run…

 _I'd have to stay longer,_ Jason thought, running a hand over his face as he sat on the edge of his bed. If they were to take on the new space, they'd have to stay in Angel Grove longer to watch it come to fruition. And he'd have to be around everything he'd left behind. Everything he thought he would never have to face again.

It was one thing to watch the news reports on it, another to have to see it live, keeping it a secret that he was one of the reasons all the reports were happening in the first place. Jason barely looked up when Emily moved around to his side of the bed, picking up his watch—his actual watch—and made sure ot carefully place it in the mesh pocket on the side of his bag.

She looked at him and sighed, holding her hands behind her back. "Jason?"

"Yeah?" He lifted his gaze to her.

"It's not going to kill you to smile every once in a while," she prompted. With a smile, she reached out and gently nudged him under the chin. The side of Jason's mouth lifted up as he turned his face away. "I think I get it." She gently dropped his bag to the ground before sliding into his lap, putting an arm around his shoulders. "Why you're so moody lately?"

Jason's eyebrows pinched together in a 'V'. Moody? Was he really being moody? There hadn't been too much of a difference in his attitude. And he would've noticed. It was a big proponent of meditating during martial arts, where he was so aware of the outside forces' affects on his body as well as his own. There was a lot to be said about your own thoughts dictating your mood. Let the negativity take over and…you were bound to be negative.

 _Or maybe you've been taken over by one of Rita's and Zedd's monsters,_ Jason thought with a wry smile. He quickly wiped it away, in case Emily asked him about it, and lifted his eyebrows, indicating he was curious to know her theory. "You don't want to go back to Angel Grove when you feel that all your friends have moved on. I get it." She lowered her head, gently shaking it. "I'm a little afraid to go back, too. I don't want to run into any of the guys."

That time, Jasons's eyebrows rose. "They're still in Angel Grove?"

A humorless chuckle escaped her lips. "Guys like that…they don't tend to get out of the places they're stuck in. And if I go back…"

"…you're afraid they'll suck you back into everything that happened before," Jason said. He nodded, getting it. Then realized that she didn't get it. She thought he was worried about her—and he was—but had no idea he was worried that, somehow, someone found out his identity and would scream from the rooftops that he was responsible for all the deaths, all the destruction, all the terror that befell Angel Grove over the years. "Em, that's not going to happen."

"You don't know that. Guys like these…they're persistent."

 _That_ part he did know. And he had the scars to prove it. The memory of being taken by surprise and beaten up so badly that he didn't heal as quickly as he should have. Being a ranger did have its perks in that matter, where he could train longer and harder without having to suffer the painful consequences as his muscles got used to the strain.

It was the hardest part to get used to once more, when he lost the Gold Ranger powers. Having to go back to feeling…

Jason coughed lightly, shifting Emily's weight on his lap. Brushed the intrusive thoughts aside. He pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek. "Don't worry about it, babe. I'll make sure no one comes close to you," he said with a false bravado he couldn't quite back up without the thought in the back of his mind calling him a hypocrite.

Emily grinned, all pearly whites shining brilliantly back to him. "My hero," she joked, then tightened her grasp around his shoulder and kissed his cheek. "Now, are you ready to wipe that pout form your face and have a good time? Or are we just going to resign ourselves to working and meeting all day?" She stuck out her tongue, making Jason laugh.

"I promise we'll have a good time," he said. "I have a meeting to go when we get there, so hang out in the hotel for a while. Go to the spa or something. Enjoy your days off from work." He looked to the side and saw the time, grimacing. "Oh, Luke is going to kill me if we don't get going, soon."

Emily rolled her eyes as she stood up, allowing Jason to stand and grab the bag she'd deposited on the floor. " _Now_ he moves," she muttered, making him grin. He grabbed the pillow from the bed and hurtled it at her. Emily shrieked and caught it against her chest before throwing it back to him. She leaned back on the bed crossing her legs at the knee. She tilted her head in thought.

"Yes?" Jason asked calmly.

"Is there any other reason you don't want to go to Angel Grove?" She asked. She nodded in the direction of the living room. "Is it that news report?" Jason opened and closed his mouth. He looked to the side and sucked in a deep breath through his nose.

That was it.

The perfect time to explain everything that'd happened to him since he was a teenager. The memories that came floating back when he least expected it. The nightmares that worked their way into his consciousness. The fear of "What if?" What if they hadn't had managed to defeat Rita and Zedd all those years ago? What if the Machine Empire had kept going?

What if Astronema managed to destroy all of life in Angel Grove and he was stuck on the sidelines, watching in horror. What if other people found out he was the reason why? What if people blamed everything on him? He was the leader of the rangers way back when. He made every decision they followed. He was the one who charged them int battle and kept them going when there was nothing more for them to do?

What if…he'd gotten them killed?

"You shouldn't be afraid," Emily continued, a sly smile coming to her face. Jason noticed it, rolled his eyes. "I don't think any of those big bag monsters are going to come after you. And even if they do…" she popped up, forming her hands into fists to punch at the air. "I'll protect you."

"You will?"

"Uh-huh."

Jason folded his arms, facing her. He looked her up and down. She had the power, he knew, to defend herself. Did it on nearly a daily basis at the biker bar. But she was still a tiny thing, he could easily take her. "And who's going to protect _you_?"

"I am!" She threw a pretend punch forward, lightly hitting him in the bicep. It would've hurt, he realized, had she not pulled her punch. A solid reminder of the new life he lived. "I can keep us safe while you run and go for help."

"Oh yeah?" Jason grinned as Emily continued to send light punches into each of his biceps. Over and over as if it were a dance.

"Yeah."

Jason quickly lifted his free hand and blocked off her neck punch. With a flurry of movements, he twisted her arms behind her back and pulled her to his chest. He wrapped his other arm around her waist, keeping her still. "Then you're going to need a lot more practice if you think that's going to happen," he said. Not that girls couldn't fight, there were many of his colleagues from his and Luke's gym who could easily defeat him in a fight, and he still had memories of Kimberly and Trini getting the best of him when he least expected it.

Jason's eyebrows twitched at the thought of his oldest friends. He hadn't thought of them in a long time. Couldn't begin to remember the last time he saw either of them. Emails were easily missed, promises to call back weren't fulfilled, everyone went on with their lives. Trini was the more persistent one of them all. She continued to call everyone now and then, saying what was going on with her and asking for him to call back when he had the chance.

He could hear the mild concern hidden in her tone each time she called, but didn't take the bait. She was part of his past, a part of his past he was trying to forget. If he called her back, if he responded to that email, if he traveled to Angel Grove, it would all come flying back sooner than he thought.

And yet, he really wondered what was going on that made her keep calling. Was she still in Vietnam? Was she enjoying her time with her relatives? Was she traveling the world like she'd always wanted? Was she learning the best martial arts tips and tricks from the greatest masters in different forms?

Was she still the same old' Trini? Who smiled in the face of danger and opposition, ready to take on whatever it was and come out on the other side with either a win or an understanding of how to do better? Trini, who didn't change no matter what was thrown at her? Was always the same person she'd always been, who was the least affected by their ranger duties and got out it before everyone else?

Zordon was gone.

Tommy was gone.

Kimberly was gone.

Billy was gone.

Zack was gone.

Ranger after ranger, team after team…Everyone he'd ever cared for…they weren't there. So what was the point of hiding in the past when they had to keep moving forward? He figured it out a long time ago, and it seemed to be more than a setback if he were going to Angel Grove.

He'd just do the same thing eh always did.

Keep his head up and keep moving forward.

* * *

 **A/N:** And it's the first appearance of Trini, even if only in Jason's thoughts. Buuut, it's Jason and Trini. I love them. Though that's not to say that Jason and Emily aren't pretty cool as well.

I'm glad to be getting back to my stories on here. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Getting into Jason's head in this 'missing time' of his power rangers history is fun. I'm real excited to see his part in the Beast Morphers episode.

 **~Av**


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